Why Punishing Yourself Never Actually Works (and what actually does)

The mindset shift that helped me ditch chocolate—And could transform your finances too.

Have you ever messed up with money—overspent, dipped into savings, carried a credit card balance you swore you'd pay off—and thought,
"Ugh, I'm so bad with money… I just need to try harder."

Me too.

I used to believe that discipline was the answer. That if I just punished myself enough—cut back harder, restricted more—I'd finally get it together.

That didn't work.

And according to this brilliant podcast episode, it never works. Not for weight loss. Not for finances. Not for any lasting behavior change.

Here's why:
Punishment only works while the punishment is happening.
Once the guilt fades, the behavior creeps right back in.

Saying “I'll do better next month” or “Next time I'll be more disciplined” feels good in the moment…
But it's not a strategy—it's a delay tactic.

Punishment doesn't rewire your behavior. It just makes you feel bad.
But when the shame wears off? You're back where you started.

When I decided to cut back on chocolate—because my daily consumption wasn't aligned with my health goals—it was so hard.

Not because I didn't know better, but because I was fighting a real daily habit.
Some days I won. Many days I didn't.

Why?
Because future-me wanted better health...
But present-me wanted the chocolate. And she was the boss.

When I heard this podcast, everything clicked. I needed a strategy rooted in rewards, not shame.

So I made a new deal with myself:

I swapped the chocolate for fruit—because you have to have a substitute.
I gave myself permission to eat as much yummy summer fruit as I wanted.
And if I stuck with it for a week, I earned a one-hour bike ride—even if my to-do list was still long.

That reward lit me up. It was something I never made time for, and suddenly I was excited to earn it.

That's the key—your rewards must be frequent and feel meaningful.

Now?
I celebrate each week with a trip to the farmers market where I splurge on ridiculously good $15 cherries.
That's my joyful reward for sticking with the new habit.

And guess what? In just a few weeks, my daily sugar cravings are nearly gone—because summer fruit is epic, and now I actually look forward to the shift.

So let's talk about your finances.

Instead of punishing yourself for overspending, reward yourself for sticking to your budget—even for a week.
Instead of obsessing over past debt, reward every small win toward paying it down.
Instead of feeling guilty about not being 'good with money,' create positive rituals to reinforce the new habits you are building.

You don't change your financial life by being hard on yourself.
You change it by being kind to yourself—and linking good money behavior to real joy.

Your challenge this week:
What's one money habit you want to build?
And what's one small, meaningful reward you'll give yourself when you follow through?

Tell me. I'd love to celebrate with you

—Crystal

P.S. This is exactly what we do in my 8-week financial transformation—ditch the guilt, build the systems, and make the process feel good. Ready to finally make change that sticks? Let's talk.

Disclaimer: I am an educator, not your personal financial advisor. Please make sure to do your own research before moving forward with any actions discussed in this blog post. 

Know that all investments involve some form of risk and there is no guarantee that you will be successful in making, saving, or investing money; nor is there any guarantee that you won't experience any loss when investing. Always remember to make smart decisions and do your own research!