Part 2: Money Doesn't Create Safety

My biggest breakdowns lead to my biggest breakthroughs.

When I looked at my budget in May, I could see I was on track to miss my income goal by about $6,000. June had another $14,000 gap.

One of the blessings and curses of being really good at budgeting is that I can see what's coming long before it gets here. I knew exactly what those two months would mean, and by the end of May, I was in a full-blown panic.

This year has been about one thing for me: breaking my income ceiling. I've been doing a tremendous amount of work uncovering limiting beliefs, dismantling unconscious patterns, and becoming the version of myself who naturally creates the level of income I want. Then reality hit. A $20,000 income gap over two months.

Yes, Scott and I have savings, but watching that much money potentially leave our savings account felt terrifying. I completely melted down.

The funny thing is, I no longer try to avoid those moments. When I have a big emotional reaction, I've learned there is usually something underneath it that's worth understanding. So I opened ChatGPT and started word-vomiting everything that was in my head. One hour later, I had one of the biggest breakthroughs I've had all year.

Looking back, I think that income miss had to be that big. It cracked open a pattern I didn't even know was still running my life.

Last week I wrote about how money doesn't create safety. This week I want to show you how that showed up for me.

I grew up believing I needed to be a strong, independent woman. That belief gave me incredible gifts. It made me resilient, resourceful, and capable. It helped me accomplish so much in my life.

But somewhere along the way, I added another meaning to that identity. If I wasn't financially independent, then I wasn't truly independent. If I wasn't independent, then I wasn't safe.

That belief had been quietly driving me for years without me realizing it.

The problem is, it wasn't even true.

When I stepped back, I realized my entire life had been filled with people who supported me. My parents. My husband. Friends. Mentors. Clients. Community. I just wasn't allowing any of it to count because I believed I had to do it all myself before I could finally feel safe.

No wonder missing my income goal felt so catastrophic. It wasn't about the money. It was about what I made the money mean.

Today, I see it differently.

My safety doesn't come from my bank account. Money certainly makes life easier and paying the bills matters, but my safety comes from something much deeper. It comes from my resilience, my resourcefulness, my family, my community, and my ability to figure things out.

I also realized that financial independence was never actually my goal. Freedom is. Freedom to design my life. Freedom to spend my time the way I choose. Freedom to do meaningful work. Those are very different things.

That breakthrough changed how I experienced June. I still missed my income goal. I didn't love it, but I also didn't spiral. I didn't make it mean I was failing or that I wasn't safe. I simply asked, "What's the next right step?" I adjusted, made sure the bills would get paid, and kept moving.

Our lives don't change in one month. They're much more like a pot of water slowly heating on the stove. The temperature rises one degree at a time. Eventually it boils, but not because of what happened in the last minute.

When we put all of our emotional weight on one number at the end of the month, we miss everything that has been building beneath the surface. There is simply too much meaning attached to that number. Too much scarcity. Too much pressure. Too much heaviness.

I'm curious...

What does money mean to you?

Not logically. Emotionally.

Because once you uncover the meaning you've attached to money, you finally have the opportunity to change it. And that's where real freedom begins.

Next week, let's dive deeper into why the negative meanings we attach to money often become the very thing blocking the abundance we're trying so hard to create.

Disclaimer: I am an educator, not your personal financial advisor. Please make sure to do your own research before moving forward with any actions discussed in this blog post. 

Know that all investments involve some form of risk and there is no guarantee that you will be successful in making, saving, or investing money; nor is there any guarantee that you won't experience any loss when investing. Always remember to make smart decisions and do your own research!