"Numbers Hurt My Feelings"

The numbers aren't actually what hurts.

A client said something that stopped me in my tracks: “Numbers hurt my feelings.”

We were talking about her money, and I thought this was such an interesting statement. Because numbers can't actually hurt your feelings. The meaning you give the numbers can.

Your bank balance is a number. Your credit card balance is a number. The amount you spent last month is a number. The amount you have saved for retirement is a number. Those numbers are information.

But somewhere along the way, we start giving those numbers meaning. $30,000 in credit card debt becomes, I failed. Not enough saved for retirement becomes, I should be further along by now. Overspending last month becomes, I'm irresponsible. Not knowing how to manage your money becomes, I'm not good enough.

And suddenly you're not looking at numbers anymore. You're looking at a report card on who you are as a person.

No wonder you don't want to look. No wonder you avoid opening the credit card statement. No wonder you haven't checked the bank account. No wonder you keep putting off making the budget.

You may think you're avoiding the numbers, but you may actually be avoiding what you believe those numbers say about you.

So I asked my client a different question: What do you believe this number means about you?

Because a number can tell you what happened. It can tell you where you are today. It can tell you that something needs to change. But a number cannot tell you who you are.

Your credit card balance cannot tell you that you're irresponsible. Your savings account cannot tell you that you're a failure. Your retirement account cannot tell you that you're behind. The numbers are information, not your identity.

And when we can separate the information from the shame, something really important happens: we can actually use the information. Instead of seeing, I'm a failure, we can see, Okay. This is where I am. What's my next move?

That is a completely different relationship with money.

Sometimes changing your money starts long before we talk about how to pay off the credit card, build your savings or start investing. Sometimes it starts with changing what you believe those numbers say about you.

If looking at your numbers brings up shame, fear, overwhelm or the feeling that you're failing, you don't have to keep trying to work through it by yourself. Join me in the Financially Empowered Inner Circle. We work on the actual numbers AND the patterns underneath them, with the accountability and support to help you keep showing up when your instinct is to avoid.

Because the goal isn't to never have a number you don't like. It's to be able to look at any number without turning it into a judgment about who you are.

Disclaimer: I am an educator, not your personal financial advisor. Please make sure to do your own research before moving forward with any actions discussed in this blog post. 

Know that all investments involve some form of risk and there is no guarantee that you will be successful in making, saving, or investing money; nor is there any guarantee that you won't experience any loss when investing. Always remember to make smart decisions and do your own research!